Sex is a natural act of love between couples which is incomplete without deep feelings for each another. But what if your sex life is witnessing a lull where the action between the sheets is lifeless and thoroughly unimaginative.
To battle this dry spell, a lot of modern couples are taking recourse to watching sexually explicit videos in an effort to spice up their conjugal relationships.
Pornography is as old as human kind and most couples sometime or the other have viewed some sort of pornography together. From "soft" porn scenes in Hollywood flicks like Unfaithful with Diane Lane and Olivier Martinez, or Body Heat starring Kathleen Turner and William Hurt to triple X rated movies, a lot of couples have taken recourse to sampling pornography. Observing couples in an erotic sex act has always been an eye opener for many as much as it forms a source of pleasure.
At times, pornography is a potent catalyst which has helped enhance the sexual act between married couples who may be ignorant about experimental sex moves. Coming to their rescue, where pornography has helped them master new techniques and "ways to pleasure" each other.
The viewing of pornography is no longer considered as "sinful" as getting aroused via suggestive visuals often leads to couples indulging each other in bold sexual moves. Instances of modern couples filming their love act like their Hollywood counterparts also abound. Even therapists seem to suggest that pornography as a unique a way to revive sexual desire.
The only problems arise when both partners are not open to watching porn together. Take the case of Nishta (name changed), 28, a product manager in Mumbai who tolerates her man's habit of watching pornography, but claims to feeling deeply insecure with his penchant for the perfectly sculpted bodies of the porn stars.
She says," My husband told me lots of his friends' girlfriends have gone in for plastic surgery to get that perfect hot bod. He claims that I'll possess an awesome body. But, I'm unsure whether surgery will improve our sex life. My husband is selfish sexually and I blame his obsession with pornography for it".
The main question that arises here is - does pornography have a morally justified lace in a marriage? According to a debate on Times of India.com on whether couples are okay with watching porn together, 53 pct felt that it was perfectly natural, while 43 pct held it to be morally degrading. Some of the views expressed in the debate reveal the divide in popular mindsets. "Sex is the best therapy for couples and watching porn adds to the zing in life. As the wise say making love once is like walking 20 kms!" holds Kaydee, from West Africa.
"Why not? It's better to watch porn together and live your sexual fantasies with your wife rather than cheating her and thinking of someone else!!" claims another reader from Ahmedabad. Mita Seth, a 35-year-old housewife adds that "pornography should be an aid to pleasure not the source. If one partner shows more interest in viewing pornography than in his or her spouse, then there lies a serious problem.
The viewing of pornographic videos should be an activity based on mutual consent. The videos should never be the sole source of pleasure". Psychiatrist Dr. Samir Parikh is of the opinion that, "Pornography may or may not help; it depends on the personalities of the partners. Sometimes it may help if both are interested, but if not then it may cause a rift in the relationship. Also, the key to a good sexual life is in the overall relationship and the mutual fun. Porn could act as a trigger for short term gains in some, but certainly not for long".
"Mind moves matter. So, porn is an evil thing which ultimately leads both partners to become vicious in the long run," holds another reader from Nanded. Ayesha from Mumbai adds, "Porn is not a good way to spice up one's bedroom life. It's just a method to release frustration."
Couples clearly stand divided on the pros and cons of watching pornography together. So, if you are game for some naughty viewing perhaps keeping in mind these good and bad pointers will help you keep porn as a healthy habit which doesn't catapult into a sex obsession:
- The guilt and mistrust about pornography can tear a marriage apart.
- Turning to pornography may cause your spouse to withdraw from the real relationship because of the instant gratification one receives from it.
- When your husband/wife views porn, you may feel disrespected. Some spouses start feeling insecure that they are not good enough for their mates. This can create a wedge in the marriage.
- Pornography could make it difficult for one of the partners to view sex as a loving form of communication. As a result, pornography can decrease sexual satisfaction within your marriage.
- Watching X-rated porn doesn't mean your partner doesn't enjoy making love to you anymore.
- A sexual relationship can be enhanced when your imagination is allowed to run free.
- Sexual intimacy is not being replaced with porn. Don't allow the medium to rake up issues in your marriage.
- If your partner is viewing porn, it can only hurt you if you allow it to. If you aren't insecure and have a good self-image, your partner's porn use won't hurt you.